Since the publication of my new book, For Better or For Work: A Survival Guide for Entrepreneurs and Their Families, I’ve had the great pleasure of speaking to the members of two NAWBO chapters—in Richmond, VA, and most recently, in Los Angeles. As a columnist for Inc. magazine, I speak frequently to groups of entrepreneurs, and it’s plain that NAWBO members enjoy a special camaraderie.
I contribute a regular column to Inc. magazine, titled “Balancing Acts”. In it I delve into issues that arise in the intersection between family and business. My book expands on these topics, and presents strategies and solutions for growing a successful business and a family at the same time—wisdom gleaned from the hundreds of entrepreneurs and spouses I interviewed, plus my own experience from being married for 28 years to a hard-driving entrepreneur.
One core message I’ve gotten from all my interviews is that any entrepreneurial business is going to suck up the time, attention—and usually the cash—of the company builder. My entrepreneur-husband once said to me that business is all about solving problems. The company-builder becomes an EMT responding to an endless series of crises. What looks merely “important” to an outside observer becomes upgraded to “urgent” in a twinkling, when you are where the buck stops.
With the entrepreneur perpetually on-call, the spouse and family can easily feel lower on the priority list, and even left behind. But as one business owner cautioned, if you build a successful company, but lose your family in the meantime, you’ve had your eye on the wrong ball. What strategies can business owners adopt to make sure they stay connected to their families while building their own professional dream? Here are a few suggestions:
- Play small ball. Runs can be scored with a big blast, or through a series of smaller base hits. In both cases you score, but the odds of success are greater when you take it one base at a time. Likewise, you may not be able to score the big runs routinely with your family—a two week work-free vacation in the tropics, for example. But don’t let that take your eye off the smaller wins: that ten minute walk down the block with your spouse; chatting with your daughter in the car on the way to her basketball practice. Cultivate small moments. Don’t let them slip by. Short exchanges can be meaningful—as long as you’re not glancing at your smartphone at the same time.
- Hold regular family meetings. My husband Gary and I did this with our children, but not frequently enough. Though the kids initially felt awkward about speaking frankly, over time they grew more comfortable with it and in the end these meetings made us all felt better connected. In the course of interviewing hundreds of entrepreneurs for my book and column, I spoke with several who faithfully held family meetings every week or two. They used the time to check in with how everyone was feeling, and asked for suggestions about how the family could function more smoothly and with less friction. If you decide to gather regularly with your family, be prepared to let the process work both ways: the kids should feel free to offer ideas about how Mom and Dad can improve their behavior, too.
- Invite your spouse and children to spend time with you at your company. This will help them understand and appreciate what you deal with every day. One entrepreneur I spoke with takes his kids out of school one day every six months, to spend a day with Dad at the business. My husband Gary often invited me to attend board meetings. These were helpful in giving me a better understanding of the pressures he faced, and a sense of the enormous scope of his responsibilities. Hanging out in your office, it won’t take long for your family members to see that other livelihoods depend on you. They will be proud of your leadership role.
- Spend time in your family’s worlds, too. Go to that soccer game, of course, but also make sure to enjoy unstructured hang out time with your children. Watch a TV show together; volunteer to help at the kids’ school; strap on some ice skates when you daughter goes to practice her jumps; read to your young son—or ask him to read to you. With your spouse, play audience while she rehearses a presentation, read the novel her book group is discussing, go with her to pick out bathroom tile. (Above all, see item 1, above: during these together times, no glancing, surreptitiously or otherwise, at that smartphone.)
- Take vacations. Often this is one of the first “extras” to be sacrificed, especially during the start-up years. The family can’t afford it financially; the entrepreneur can’t afford to leave his business, mentally or physically. But even a little time away—spent together, in a different locale—can produce important memories, and sometimes life-changing experiences, far out of proportion to the amount of time set aside. You don’t need to go far, or for long. Make economies elsewhere. Take those trips.
Make sure that although you spend most of your day putting out business fires, your family is not consumed by the flames. In many small ways, you can show them that they matter most.
Meg Cadoux Hirshberg writes a regular column for Inc. about the impact of entrepreneurial businesses on families—based on her experiences being married to Gary Hirshberg, co-founder of Stonyfield Farm, the organic-yogurt company. Meg is the author of, For Better or For Work: A Survival Guide for Entrepreneurs and Their Families
Christine Hanson is the principal of CRH Communication Management and the founder of AF2 Chocolatiers. After 20+ years of experience in public relations and corporate communications, and as many years of traveling, tasting and testing all in the quest for the finest chocolate experience that was inspired from memories of a childhood treat, Christine became a master chocolatier and founded AF2 Chocolatiers. Now she combines those businesses to provide consulting services to artists, designers, small businesses, and start-up food-based entrepreneurs, while at the same time creating award winning handmade, bite-sized chocolate and chocolate fudge candies and confections.
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Mimi Donaldson empowers and assists people in realizing and achieving their full human potential. A renowned speaker, trainer and author, she’s been enlightening Fortune 500 companies for more than 20 years, energizing and motivating leaders in companies such as Johnson & Johnson, Hewlett Packard and Proctor & Gamble on stress reduction, time management, leadership and communication. A Masters graduate of Columbia University, she previously worked as a Human Resources Specialist for Northrop Aircraft, Rockwell International and Walt Disney. Mimi is the author of Necessary Roughness: New Rules for the Contact Sport of Life (2010). She is also the co-author of two books, Bless Your Stress: It Means You’re Still Alive! (2006) and Negotiating for Dummies (1996). Visit 
Julie Lacouture is the Principal and co-owner of Mom Corps Los Angeles, a business specializing in helping companies find highly-qualified talent for flexible, part-time, or temporary jobs. After working for over 12 years in marketing, advertising, and non-profit, in 2010 Julie decided to fulfill her lifelong dream of running her own company and open a Mom Corps franchise in Los Angeles with business partner Kate Pletcher. To learn more about Mom Corps Los Angeles, visit 
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